Disclaimer: Always the same: Paramount owns Voyager, we gave them a life.

Just a short story and my way to digest the last scene of “Endgame” and the sad impression it left behind.

Written as POV from Gretchen Janeway

TRUTH IN YOUR EYES

A soft breeze of sea air was blowing over the large place before Starfleet Headquarters. The sun was mirroring the smiles on our faces. Here we stood waiting for our loved ones, which we had once thought lost for always in the unknown deep of space.

I knew many of them; we had met often since the fortunate day, when we heard Voyager’s crew was still alive, fighting its way back through the Delta Quadrant. The monthly news from the other side of the galaxy had become a meeting of the families this extraordinary crew had left behind on earth. And although we had no guarantee, that we would ever have them in our arms again, we all had hoped and prayed this day would come.

We all felt blessed when the first groups of crewmembers materialized and our eyes proofed, what our hearts had wished so much. Pure joy, mixed with tears of relief, claimed the faces of the people around me and the wonderful sound of happy laughter replaced the expectant silence. Hands were shaken, people embraced each other, kisses were shared and the quiet mumble of rejoined families and friends praised this unforgettable moment as one of the happiest in our life.

The intensity of the emotional atmosphere rose once more, when the last members of Voyagers crew beamed down to us and I could hear the pounding of my own heart like a drum in my ears.

There she stood motionless, in the middle of her crew, her family and watched the happy crowd- my daughter, Kathryn Janeway.

The young, eager woman who had left me seven years ago came back as a sovereign Captain and words failed me to describe the extraordinary charisma, the breathtaking aura she radiated. My little Katie-girl had become a remarkable woman, and I wished her father could have shared this moment of parental proud with me.

She was surrounded by her senior-staff.

Tom Paris and Tuvok were the only one I knew personally, it was good to see them again.

In the past Tuvok had always provided guidance in calm and strong logic to my daughter.

And Owen had finally found back to his son, and it seemed he got more back than he could have ever imagined. The baby in the arms of the interesting woman at Tom’s side had already captured the heart of my old friend.

I recognized Harry Kim, although I had never met him, I had often talked with his parents over the last year. The young man was smiling brightly, while his mother cried in his bear hug.

A young, beautiful blonde watched the emotional scenes around herself, and from the implants on her face I assumed this had to be the famous Borg, I think Seven was her name. The holographic Doctor was smiling proudly at her.

But than my eyes were drawn to the man next to the Borg, the darker skin, the fascinating tattoo and these expressive brown eyes could only belong to Commander Chakotay, the former Maquis leader, now Voyager’s First Officer. Something about this man touched me deeply and I understood, why Kathryn had trusted this man from the first moment.

Kathryn still hadn’t moved, neither had I, when she suddenly turned around and her eyes found me. For a second we both held our breath and than she came slowly at first and finally flying into my arms. And my strong Captain clung to me like a lifeline and I felt her shudder.

“Oh, Mom.” Was the only one that passed her lips, but the emotions it held spoke more than thousand words. I couldn’t say anything, the long suppressed tears rolled silently over my cheeks. Eventually we let go and her hand came to my face and smoothed away the wet trails.

She gave me her wonderful smile, but when I saw into her eyes my heart broke. The incredible blue was shadowed by a sadness and grief I had never seen there before. I didn’t know which sacrifice the Captain had made to bring her ship home, all I knew was, the prize Kathryn had paid was to high.

I pressed her to me again, and while I looked over her shoulder, silently praying for strength, my eyes met his. Chakotay was staring at Kathryn’s back, and real concern and something more, something deeper radiated from him, and I knew instantly he was part, maybe the most important, of her sacrifice.

After long and tiring days of debriefings Kathryn returned to our house in Indiana. She had fought for the release of the Maquis and the acknowledgment of the great job all members of Voyager had done for seven years. She never spoke to me about the trials, but when the admiralty announced freedom and full integration into Starfleet, considered the Maquis wanted this, I saw the tears brimming in her eyes.

The decision about her own fate still hung over us like the sword of Damocles, but she never mentioned any concern, and still I had this terrible feeling of dread. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but my worries about her unusual behaviour increased with every passing day.

The Captain of Voyager had come home, but my Kathryn seemed to be lost in the Delta Quadrant. A sad silence had occupied my house and even the beloved brownies and the fresh coffee I made for her, couldn’t lighten her mood. She tried so much to hide her true feelings from me, she smiled, she made long walks through now golden fields, and she even met Mark. But under the brave front she put up for me, I sensed her slowly breaking.

I remembered the time after the deaths of her father and Justin, but this was different, and after witnessing six restless nights I wished she would at least sleep through one day. Old places of her childhood became new importance, and the great tree back in the garden became her favourite again. Although she spent hours there reading or listening to soft music, peace and rest seemed no longer available for her.

Every day now she was on a trail through the rapid colours changing nature. She left the house in early morning hours and although she thought I was already sleeping I waited until she returned late at night.

The first heavy storms of autumn hit the country, but she seemed unimpressed by the weather, may be the destroying powers of nature only reflected her inner turmoil.

I felt so helpless; because she always convinced me with the two words I knew all to well from my eldest child. I’m fine.

My patience was wearing thin, even her sister Phoebe was at a loss and I really thought about asking her friends for help. Many of her former crewmembers had called for her, and every time I had to tell them that my daughter is currently not available. Belanna, Tom, Harry, Sam, Seven, the Doc and Kathryn’s little assistant Naomi, they all tried to talk to her and they begun to wonder, why Kathryn was every time out of reach. Only Chakotay never called.

But then one day everything changed.

Kathryn had left again this morning, promising she would be back to lunch. I had asked her to stay with me, because the weather station had announced heavy storms for today, but she looked at the blue, cloudless sky and gave me her usual speech.

“Don’t worry, Mom, you don’t truly believe in weather reports. By the way I have lived through ion storms you can’t even imagine. I’m …”

I cut her off.

“No, you are not fine. Against all your trying to convince me, this is the last thing you are, Kathryn. You may lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. I am your mother.”

I paused and stroked her pale cheek softly.

“I don’t know, how much longer I will let you pretend something else.”

I caught a deathly glance from her, but she got one unimpressed back from me and replied nothing.

Two hours after Kathryn had left the temperature dropped drastically, an almost black front darkened the horizon. The first thunder roared and shortly the glaring yellow of flashes was the only light outside. Heavy rain mixed with hailstones clashed against the windows, and I nearly missed the knocking at the front door. Who by all gods could be on the road by such weather, apart from my stubborn daughter?

When I opened, all I could see was the reflection of flashes in a somewhat familiar pair of dark-brown eyes.

“Chakotay, sorry, I mean Commander, come in, you will catch your death.”

“Chakotay will be fine.”

The warm timbre of his voice had immediately a calming effect on me, and in the moment he set his foot into my house, I felt my spirits lift. He was the most trusted officer Kathryn had aboard Voyager, and from the few things she had told me about him, I knew he was her best friend too. If he couldn’t help her, no one would.

I guided him into the kitchen and handed him a towel to dry off. He took it thankfully, but in his eyes I could see the question.

“She is not here, Chakotay. And before you burn a hole through me, she has gone for a walk almost 2 hours ago.” I couldn’t suppress the worry in my voice, and immediately my own concern mirrored in his eyes.

“Damn Kathryn, I should have known better. She just cant stay out of trouble. I go after her.” He was up, before I could stop him.

“Chakotay, it’s impossible to find her in the darkness, especially when she doesn’t want to be. She surely found some shelter.” Our eyes met and he replied.

“We both feel otherwise. I can replicate a device to track her down.” He paused a moment and asked, a smile in his brown depths. “Or is there still no replicator in the traditional Janeway house?”

I smiled back at him. “This way, feel free. Hopefully the monster will function without problems, when a Starfleet officer gives the order.”

He chuckled. “That’s no guarantee, have you tried talking to it?”

The asked device materialized.

I handed him two waterproof capes and a backpack.

“You will need this.”

Before he slipped out of the door he looked at me very serious.

“I know, what you’ve seen in her eyes. I saw it too.”

“I have a communicator to call you as soon as I have found her.” With that promise he was gone.

Chakotay checked the readings of the tricorder, the storm intensified every passing minute, and the electrostatic explosions around him interfered his attempts to localize her life-sign. Finally he got a faint signal and begun to move in its direction. The cold wind hit his face like needles of ice and Chakotay increased his tempo. Kathryn was out here for more than 4 hours, and the temperature had dropped to barely 3 degrees.

The landscape begun to change and now the open fields were replaced by a small wood. Her signal became stronger, and he begun to call for her, but the words were blown, before they could reach her. Chakotay was running now. His eyes searched the old trees around him and behind one of the beeches he caught a glimpse of something blue.

Chakotay closed the last distance carefully not to frighten her. Her appearance made him gasp, when he saw her.

Kathryn leaned curled up, soaked to the skin, against the tree. Her eyes were closed, all colour had left her face and her lips had turned to a shade of blue. She was shivering violently. Chakotay knelt down beside her, and touched her arm lightly.

“Kathryn.” Her eyes opened slowly and she needed a moment to adjust her sight and recognize the dark figure leaning over her.

“Chakotay?” His name barely made it over her quivering lips.

“What the hell are you doing here, Kathryn? Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Slight anger swung in his voice. But it faded instantly when he saw the deep sadness behind the walls she was about to erect again.

Despite her exhausted condition Kathryn regained her composure quickly.

“I was about to ask you the same.”

“Seems that old habits die hard, I’m still looking out for you.” Chakotay stared directly into the tossing blue ocean of her eyes.

“Why have we stopped to look into each others eyes, Kathryn? We both seemed to be afraid of the truth, we would find there. Yes, it made it easier to pretend, to go along, and to live a normal life. But we sacrificed the real life, our life.”

The meaning of his words burned through her like fire and she turned away slowly from the abyss, which was about to engulf her soul. She lifted her hand to his forehead and softly traced the lines of his tattoo.

“We didn’t need to look, we already knew the truth, Chakotay. I always believed our time would come, when we were home again. I realized to late, that we were already home.”

He caught her freezing hand and brought it to his warm lips.

“Before we go home, we have to change you into something warm.”

Chakotay helped her out of her wet clothes and eased her into the jump suit, which her mother had added to the things in Kathryn’s backpack. He caught sight of a thermos bottle and opened it to smell her famous beverage.

“I think your mother is an angel.” Chakotay smiled at her and touched his communicator.

“Chakotay to Janeway. Can you hear me?”

“Janeway here.”

Kathryn blushed for a second, when she heard the voice of her mother and reached for the comm.

“Thanks for the coffee, Mum. I love you.”

I cried. The tears of relief fell freely from my old eyes, when I heard her voice. Although I couldn’t see her, I knew my daughter had finally come home.

Fin

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