Very short story, but I thinking of "Repression", I always had such an emotional moment in my mind.
This one is for Constanze, the best Betareader I ever had. And I surely need one. Thank you for your wonderful work and your honesty.
Shocked Blue: Repression
A thousand times I have looked into this incredible blue, thousand emotions I found there,
mirrored like the sky in a deep sea. Sometimes the surface of your soul was unreadable,
and then again so clear that I could see straigth into your heart.
In a quiet moment I imagined my hand could touch the invisible Kathryn beneath the uniform.
I don't have the words to describe all the different feelings, I could read in your eyes:
Strength, warmth, compassion, anger, sadness, longing, vulnerability, courage, proud, hurt and love.
But never before naked fear shadowed the blue of these eyes like now.
The shock of the last hours caught you unprepared and at your most vulnerable.
We have betrayed your trust, you , the one person that trusted us blind.
Your moral compass and your best friend are strangers now.
I took your ship, but more than that, I betrayed you on a personal level.
There you stay, silent, but your eyes are screaming at me.
Although Tuvok has pointed the phaser at your heart, your eyes never leave mine.
"You said no one would be hurt."
Now these words come back to haunt me, because the pain in your eyes is killing me.
In my head these words keep repeating: "What am I doing to her? Spirits, help me."
I want to stop what I have brought on the way.
My hands reach for Tuvok, although I know the phaser I gave him is malfunctioning.
I can't let him pull the trigger, let her get hurt by the game anymore.
But before I can stop him, he has fired the weapon and in a nano-second my world falls apart.
A glowing light flashes on and the blue fear is replaced by astonishment, shock and desperation.
In slow motion the blue is fading to darkness and she is falling.
My arms catch her slumping form and I scream helplessly.
"Kathryn!"
Her eyes are still wide open, searching for an answer I cannot give her.
"Why?"
The storm in her eyes is receding.
The last shades of blue get cold.
And I am crying.
The soft touch of a hand saves me from the most horrible nightmare I was ever trapped in
and I look into the most wonderful eyes I can imagine, concerned blue eyes, but full of life.
I am trembling, while her hand smoothes away my tears.
Before I can say a word, her fingers seal my lips.
"Don't, Chakotay, don't apologize."
My arms close around her, almost crushing her. I have to feel her alive in my arms.
This last experience was so different from everything we had to endure out here, and now we both cry.
"What have I done?"
She is gazing in my eyes, searching for something she can't find there any longer.
"It's never been you, Chakotay."
The silence between us is deafening and before I can react her lips close over mine.
Nothing I have ever felt compares to that touch and I feel the beginning of healing for both of us.
Fin
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