Disclaimer: All is PARAMOUNT! The Story is mine

Summary: Post-Endgame, C/7 are not an issue here

Chakotay takes Kathryn for a walk on the beach at night.

The story is inspired by Gilly’s wonderful picture of a red rose on the keyboard of a piano and is written

for Voyager's Muse, a monthly challenge on the VAMB.

Rating: PG 13

Dedication : In memory of Sonja Wiesner (1971j1989)

Constanze’s and Kat’s fine Beta-reading helped me to complete the story.

I am very grateful to have friends like Chris, Constanze and Kat, who are always there, whenever I need help, encouragement or a good listener. Thank you!

The Last Rose

By Gine

The quiet San Francisco night matched perfectly the melancholic mood they both felt, while walking the now almost empty promenade at the pacific shore. The air was still warm, but the salty fragrance of the sea refreshed their exhausted senses like a cool spring in the desert.

The emotional impact of the memorial gathering had been overwhelming and deeply emotional. The devastating feeling of loss was brought to life again in the hours while they had met with the families and friends of their crewmembers, the ones they had put to rest in a far away quadrant of space. The warm memories they shared were overshadowed by grief and sadness and many times, while making the rounds among the people, tears had graced the brave front of Voyager’s Captain. It was a painful good-bye for everyone, but they all needed this reconnection to start the healing.

And it was time for Kathryn to finally let them go, to put them to rest in her heart. She would never forget, Chakotay knew that. Every name of the crewmembers she had lost under her command was engraved in her memory. When it came to judging her own faults, Kathryn Janeway was always a hard jury and often emotionally clouded by guilt. And she tended to bury her traumas or drown them with coffee.

The stressful weeks after their sudden return from the Delta Quadrant and the enormous pressure in the following debriefings and hearings had left them physically and emotionally drained. Still Chakotay could sense the restlessness in Kathryn, a powerful undercurrent of undigested experiences and emotions. Now that they had fulfilled the promise that she had given to her crew, to herself and to all who demanded it from her, she felt it impossible to let go.

She longed for the inner peace, which the man by her side radiated so openly now. Three words from her had been the liberation from the last shadow on his soul’s balance. I love you.

Walking beside him through the quiet dark, the warm sand under their naked feet, finally had the calming effect on Kathryn that Chakotay had hoped for.

At the memorial he had watched her silently in an unguarded moment. Her hands had flexed into fists occasionally. The unconscious movements were alarming signs of how thin her walls had become and what it cost her to keep her composure. And still only for Chakotay did she allow her vulnerability to be openly exposed.

Now her hand rested relaxed in his. She would need time.

“I need you, Chakotay.”

Her admission surprised him and made his heart beat faster. He stopped and turned her to him slowly. The light, that the moon and stars and the glowing aura of the sleeping town behind them provided, had magically softened the fine lines of stress and exhaustion around her expressive eyes.

Although her words were only whispered, her eyes never belied her seriousness, her confidence and trust in him.

“I have loved you for a very long time, Chakotay. I always believed that in the moment I would give in to my personal needs, I would lose the sensible balance that I needed to be the Captain. But you were there at my side all these years and many times your attention and silent love helped me to keep my composure and my mental stability, just like today. You have always been a source of strength to me. I knew I could rely on you even without asking.”

“Love is not weakness, Kathryn.” His thumb stroked over her cheek softly, bringing his face closer to hers.

“Yes, a certain ancient legend made me realize that a long time ago.” She smiled now openly at him. Their lips were so close, that the air between them was buzzing with electricity. They both felt the connection before they finally touched. The kiss was warm and slow at first, a soft gracing, like hands gliding over finest silk. And than deepening, diving into an ocean of sparkling lights and spiralling in a column of fire to the sky in an explosion of stars.

In this passionate moment the single red rose that Kathryn had carried all day fell from her hand. A larger wave captured it and washed the flower further ashore, where it collided with a large dark stone. The small water-storing vase around the cut at the stem of the rose broke into hundreds of little pieces. In the moonlight the splinters of glass sparkled like tiny diamonds in the sand and the droplets of water ran down the dark-red pedals of the rose and looked like tears.

The Captain had brought a red rose from Voyager’s air-ponics garden for every lost crewmembers family. This was the only one she couldn’t hand out. Very carefully Kathryn picked up the last rose. Soon it would start to wilt now that the vase was gone.

Chakotay moved behind her, his arms closed around her small figure and both looked silently at the beautiful flower, while Kathryn’s finger smoothed over the half blossomed rose.

“Her life ended much too early, Chakotay. Just like the rose, she was cut from life, from her family, her friends, before her time.” Kathryn’s voice was again tinged with sadness. “I really wish they could have found someone from Lieutenant Tassarova’s family.”

He tightened his embrace around her. “I know. Starfleet tried everything to contact her older sister, but they never got the recall. You know, Tassarova’s husband died in the war with the Dominion. Her parents became victims in a terrible Hover-car accident. I am really sorry, Kathryn.”

“So much pain and loss in one family, Chakotay. How must her sister feel about our homecoming, when her only sister will never come back again?”

He didn’t answer her question, knowing it was rhetorically spoken. Words wouldn’t heal such wounds, not those of Tassarova’s sister and not Kathryn’s. Instead he placed a kiss on her hair and took her free hand in his.

“Let’s go and find a quiet place. You look like you’re in dire need of something hot, strong and definitely black.”

They didn’t take long to locate a small strand restaurant. At this late hour, they could choose a place freely.

Nobody but the waiter and an old man at the grand piano were to be seen.

The restaurant was sparely furnished, but the tasteful decoration in warm terracotta and sandy colours provided an inviting and pleasant atmosphere. The lights were almost completely dimmed; instead the room was lightened with tea-candles.

Chakotay guided them into a corner near the piano, knowing how much Kathryn loved live music. Maybe this would help her to relax again. They sat down on a comfortable couch, ordered coffee and tea and enjoyed the music in comfortable silence. Later they decided to share a bottle of white wine. The waiter had retreated behind the bar.

After the fifth song the old pianist came to their table and asked to be excused. He told them he had promised to permit a dear friend of his to play the piano this evening and his friend had been waiting since before Kathryn and Chakotay had come.

“Of course. You don’t have to break your promise on our account.” Chakotay answered the man.

“It was a pleasure to hear your playing. Thank you so much.” Kathryn smiled gratefully at him.

The pianist retreated for a few minutes, only to come back guiding a young woman to the piano. Although the woman had wonderful clear, almost emerald green eyes, it was obvious, that she was blind. That was extremely unusual these days. Medical treatment for blindness was highly advanced. Still if the visual part of her brain was severely affected, there was probably no cure.

They had thought about leaving for home. They almost felt like intruders watching the pair at the piano. But the moment the woman’s fingers started to glide over the ivory keyboard Kathryn and Chakotay sat in awe at the extraordinary ability of the musician. At first she was just playing small preludes, while her face was staring unseeing into nothingness. Her face was devoid of any emotion and after a few minutes her playing came to an abrupt halt. She leaned her head against the piano, her eyes now closed and for a few seconds there was absolute silence in the room.

Kathryn and Chakotay felt like intruders in this woman’s world and were just about to leave quietly when the woman begun to play again. A few tones at first, slowly building a melancholic melody. They had never heard anything so sad and beautiful at the same time. They couldn’t leave; they were captured by the music.

The woman was now sitting upright at the piano, her eyes still closed. And than she played. The music seemed to flow directly from her heart into the instrument. The melody gave life to buried emotions, broke through the icy wall of silence with power, fury almost, a fulminate firework of cadences and then again it ebbed to a soft almost mourning interlude. She was completely lost in her playing, her fingers moving without thinking, while tears streamed from her beautiful eyes. The melody changed again, calming down now, the overwhelming flow of feelings slowly put to rest. The last tones were only tinged with a shadow of sadness. They sounded peaceful like the song of the first bird after a heavy rainstorm. The listeners were just as touched as the musician herself.

Kathryn eyes brimmed with unshed tears. “I have never heard anyone play a piano with so much emotion.“ was all that came over her lips.

The woman at the piano turned towards the voice, obviously shocked to find that her playing had an audience. Andre had said no word about guests. She stood up slowly, searching for guidance at the piano.

“I am sorry if I disturbed your time here. Andre told me you were leaving.” She felt suddenly insecure, but Chakotay came to her aid.

“There is no need to be sorry, in fact we should apologize for intruding. We were about to leave, but we just couldn’t escape the music. You are very gifted.” He took the hand of the still slightly embarrassed woman and guided her to a chair at his and Kathryn’s table. “Would you like to join us for a drink? You could certainly use one.”

“Thank you. You are very kind. A glass of water would be fine.” Chakotay went to the bar while the woman took her place and searched for a tissue to dry the last tears from her face. She instinctively turned to Kathryn.

“I don’t know what came over me. I began to play and suddenly I was overwhelmed by all those emotions. The music must have triggered something I had buried for a long time. It was all here inside.” The woman clutched at the place over her heart. “I really thought I could close it away to avoid the pain. But over the years it became harder and harder to distance myself from the past. I, I….I am sorry. First I disturb your peace with the piano and now I am boring you with my problems.”

“Oh no, you didn’t disturb us. Your music was the perfect highlight of a very emotional day. I was deeply moved by your music. You stirred a lot of memories for me too. I am sorry that you feel such an incredible pain. There was so much sadness in your music, and still it was absolutely beautiful. You looked like you were in a trance. You put your whole soul into the music, like you were transforming your thoughts and feelings into a musical painting.” Kathryn reached for the hand of the young pianist with compassion. “You must be exhausted. Are you okay?”

“Yes. I feel like a big weight has been lifted from me.”

Chakotay came back with a glass of water and placed it in the woman’s hand. Still deeply impressed by the extraordinary concert they just had witnessed, he took his place beside Kathryn again.

“Are you giving concerts? I mean official concerts?” Chakotay asked, wondering silently how a gifted pianist like this young woman came to play in an ordinary restaurant.

The woman looked shocked at his question. “Oh no, I would never consider myself that good. I am not a trained pianist. Andre gives me private lessons, but I just play for myself.”

It was Kathryn now who looked surprised at the woman’s admission.

“You are extraordinarily gifted. I am sure you would get an engagement anywhere. Have you ever considered introducing yourself to a Music-agency?”

“To be honest, I am normally very shy. Usually I don’t spend a lot of time with people. I prefer to be alone with my music.” The woman paused for a moment, obviously deep in thought. “Still I am sitting here with you, two strangers, in the middle of the night, after I cried my heart out in tears and music.”

Again the woman stopped but Kathryn and Chakotay felt she needed to talk and so Kathryn encouraged her silently to continue with a tender squeeze of her hand.

The woman took a deep breath and finally started talking, insecure at first, but once the words were out, her story just flowed from her lips without stopping.

“My name is Sonja Mesarina. I came here today to remember, to remember my family. This was the favourite restaurant of my parents. They loved the sea and the Italian flair of the place. We met for brunch here almost every weekend, if time allowed us. When my sister and I were still children, we stood for hours at Andre’s piano, listening to the old songs. He placed us on his knees and showed us how to use the keys. The instrument and the music one could create with it fascinated me from the beginning. I was 5 years old, when Andre asked my parents if he could give me lessons. He always told me I have talent. I really loved to play, but I was very shy. Only sometimes, when it was late and no guests were around, Andre found himself a chair and made me play for him. Apart from Andre I had only one other audience. She never tired of my little compositions, my little sister Sarah. For hours she waited to hear me play, even when she was already happily married. We had lost our parents early. It was an accident; I lost my eyesight through it, due to a considerable injury to my brain. I was 16 and devastated, but with Sarah and Andre’s help I learned to accept it. Together we helped each other through a very hard time.”

Sonja paused for a moment to drink from her water. The emotional upset and the talking had made her thirsty and she needed to moisten her lips.

“I was the older sister, and I always felt responsible for Sarah. We shared a small house until she attended the Academy. Even as a teenager Sarah encouraged me to use my musical talent and I started to write for a few music publishers. Most of my work I could do at home, so I had enough time to take care of my sister. She was a promising scientist, even won a few awards at the college. Instead of music, she inherited our parent’s talents, I believe. All the years she dreamed about exploring and I knew she silently hoped for an acceptance at the Starfleet Academy here in San Francisco. I was so proud the day she came home with her first pip at the collar.”

Sonja had almost whispered the last words. She seemed to be completely lost in the memory. For a long moment her fingers stroked absently over the rim of her glass, while she searched for the inner courage to finish her story. Taking a few deep breaths she finally continued.

“We still met here every Sunday night. When she was on a longer mission, we always stayed in contact. But in the end even that was taken from us. Seven years ago her ship was declared lost. I had lost my sister too, and still I tried to hope. I hoped so much she would come back to us. Her ship came back, a few weeks ago, my sister did not.”

Silent tears ran down Sonja’s face. No one could say a word. Kathryn was white as a sheet. Chakotay was holding her hand so tightly that the thorns of the rose in her hand cut her skin.

“Today I was invited by my sister’s former Captain to a memorial. I just couldn’t go there. I was afraid to accept the truth that she will never come back. I would have to let her go too, just like our parents, and Alex, Sarah’s husband. I dreaded having to say my last Good bye. I thought I could not endure the finality. So I came here, to meet her again in my imagination. I remembered; I saw her leaning against the piano. But when I started to play I begun to realize, that she is gone. Even the music wouldn’t bring her back, only the memories. They came as if the music had opened a floodgate. All the precious memories, and all I could do was cry. I know now, I will never be able to remember her with warmth and love, until I stop grieving. I was just keeping the wound open. I wish now I would have accepted the invitation of Captain Janeway.”

Kathryn was openly crying now. Sonja’s last words were the final straw to her fragile composure. After the events of the day the emotional impact was almost too much. Chakotay held her in a tight embrace and stroked her back in soothing circles to calm her down. The pianist may have been blind, but she could sense the distress of her audience clearly.

“I am sorry, it was never my intention to upset you.” Sonja felt suddenly embarrassed and didn’t know why.

For a few seconds there was an uncomfortable silence, until Sonja felt a shaking hand reach for hers and a flower was placed into it. She could feel the wet thorns of the rose.

“It is a rose from Voyager, Sonja. You’re sister was an extraordinary engineer; her Chief had recommended her for a promotion in our second year in the Delta Quadrant. She was part of a great community; many considered her a good friend. Her death left many wounds to bleed. We missed you at the Memorial. It was a very emotional ceremony for all of us, just like the piece of music that you played while remembering Sarah. We were so overwhelmed by your music and your story, we never introduced ourselves. I am Captain Kathryn Janeway and this is Voyager’s First Officer and my husband Commander Chakotay.”

The End

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